A week at the Gym

A WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular
workout routine.

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week
of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am
still in great shape since playing on my High School football team 25
yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a
try.

Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with
my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing
eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse
after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so
fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics
outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop.
I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient
with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her
voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she
scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help
me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being
a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I
ran and hid in the men's room.
She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing
machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And
if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#@^&**!!
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach
or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me
want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife (the bitch); will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root
canal or a vasectomy.

Top 10 things that make me crazy

I haven't ranted in a while. Everyone should now and then. So here's....

Top 10 things that make me crazy....this week.

1. The commercial with the female jogger and the guy following her in the car. $40 in gas per jog following your girlfriend is a better idea than a $40 IPod shuffle? I think walk mans are like 25 cents on EBay…

2. Tabloids in general. Therefore, the TV show Dirt makes me want to kick puppies. I've not forced myself to watch it, but the sheer number of ads for the show makes me want to poke my eyes out….slowly.

3. News stories that focus more on Brittany Spears going commando than…well….anything. Surely ANYTHING is more important. Honestly I'd rather hear about Madonna stealing another baby.

4. Rosie O'Donnell. I liked her during her cutie-pa-tutie stage, but now that she's become the unwelcome spokesperson for overweight people, gay people, single mothers, people with bad hair stylists…she makes me despise The View even more.

5. Friends that suck at keeping in touch….but seem to forget that they suck? They are the first ones to point out that you haven't called them back…after they finally return your 4th message. You lose all rights to call people out when you suck at the same thing.

6. Stupid people who breed. Nuf said.

7. Straight men who take longer to get ready than I do. And I have A LOT of hair to wash, dry, then straighten. Seriously.

8. Time Warner Cable. High speed cable? Psshhttt. Whatev.

9. Overused clichés rather than actual conversation. I don't play favorites with these and I don't put off tomorrow what I can do today. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link and I'll throw that weakest link out like a baby in bathwater. There's plenty of fish in the sea so why not take the time to use actual conversation.

10. An hour show and 30 minutes of commercials. I've discovered that the only way to watch Grey's Anatomy and really any show out there, is by using Tivo or DVR. Rather than 2 min of show and 5 min of commercials, you can fast forward through all of the uncomfortable Tampax and Nuvaring commercials and watch your show. Good family fun.


Lucky for us all, there are lots of things that make me smile. I'll post an updated list this week. Hold your breath.

Karma

So everyone always says that "Karma is a b---." "Live by the Golden Rule." blah blah.

I've tried to live a good life, I try to be good, try to be nice to others.

But if this Karma thing is true I've really pissed off someone. You may ask, "Why Mary Beth? What's wrong?"

1 word. Cory.

I joined a gym a few weeks after I moved back to Dallas. 2 weeks ago I decided that I needed a personal trainer to show me how to work out to accheive my goals.

Cory is my personal trainer. Oh sure, you meet him and he seems innocent and nice. So nice that I really thought we'd be friends if we met under different circumstances. Well don't be fooled my friends. He's pure evil.

I meet with him 2 times per week at 5am to use weights and cardio on my own 3 times per week. In the 3 times I've seen him so far, I've never known such pain.

session 1: Legs.

My coworkers and family can attest to the fact that I could hardly walk. I rolled down the stairs to avoid actually walking.

session 2: Arms

Not so bad. My triceps were not real excited about the whole thing, but overall not so bad.

session 3: Legs....again.

This session was this morning. I'm already in pain.

So as I sit here and wonder if being sore is a valid excuse for missing work, I warn you--do not get a personal trainer if you

-live on the second floor

-like to walk at all

-need to dress yourself without help from your mom

A New Year...

Ok, so I hate when people ask me what my new year's resolutions will be. We all make them; we all break 99.99% of them. I just cut out the middle man and just don't make resolutions at all.

But this year, I have set some goals. Nothing cliché like lose 10 lbs (though I do have a personal trainer I like to call Satan), but some real goals to follow up on my previous blog about moving back to Dallas.

2007 Goals:

1. Make lifestyle changes, including but not limited to:

-active lifestyle

-move church membership to a church in town

2. Pay off big portion of debt

3. Start savings for a house

How am I going to meet these goals?

Well, I've joined a new fancy gym that is friggin fabulous, and I have a personal trainer that I pay to tell me I'm out of shape. YAY! This gym has 400 machines, rock climbing, basketball/volleyball courts, indoor/outdoor pools, saunas, yoga, Pilates, etc. I love it! http://www.lifetimefitness.com

I'm in search of a new church, but it's a little difficult to decide since I still don't know where I'm going to move. But it will all come together.

Living with my folks has helped me put money toward debts I've accumulated in college, after college, and moving all over the US. My goal is to pay off all debts except the college loans. Who am I kidding? I'll be paying those off until I'm 70.

Once I get my debts paid off, I can put the money I used to set aside for that toward savings. I don't want to rent forever! Owning is a long term goal that won't happen this year or even the next, but I can start preparing now.

So here's to a great new year!

I'm thankful for....

I'm thankful for....

...my family. With all the unreliable people that cross our paths, family is what matters. They will always come first.

...my health. I take this for granted too often. I haven't had any major surgeries or illnesses that have prevented me from living life to the fullest.

...a roof over my head and food on the table. While we celebrate with too much food today, so many don't have the luxury of a bed or a meal. How fortunate we are!

...my friends. I have good friends across the world that have made an impact on my life. From my friends in CA, OR, KS, DC, TX, VA, KY, IN, OH, FL, UT, MS, and CO, to my friends in Canada and Iraq. I have a fantastic collection of friends!

...my job. I work for a company that is patient with me while I find myself. They've let me move from an internship, to Human Resources, to store management, and now to Store Ops. What other company would be so flexible?

...my life thus far. I'm 27 years young and hope to live for many more. I'm still finding my place in this world and my purpose.

I am truly blessed!

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the Fossil store in the Fayette Mall.

I can't believe that we've been open for a year! When I first moved here, the new wing of the mall wasn't even finished yet, now it's crowded with shoppers.

This is my first experience opening a store and growing it from scratch. I'm still amazed that they trusted me with this job. After 4 months as an assistant, they threw me into a new state where no one had heard of Fossil watches much less the clothes, and I was the only manager who had to hire an entire staff. *gulp*

I interviewed the original crew right outside our doors. Nick Evans was my first hire, and Ashley was my first manager hire. We opened the store with a staff that new only a little bit about the company, but had the passion to make up for the rest. Somehow Journey's "Don't Stop Believing," turned into the unofficial theme song.

It's been fun to see us grow up with the store. Jesse has moved on to the banking industry, Adam is in Chicago for a year, Cato is a manager at another store, and Dana is practically running a bank, Heather and Sarah are anxious to be managers, Ashley has grown from a part time key holder to store manager, and I'm moving back to the corporate office.

I've learned a lot from this store and our people this year. So many memories, so many stories. As Ashley takes the reigns officially today, I can only hope she has a similar experience.

Happy Anniversary Fay Fay! We don't play….okaay?

Reflections

Reflections


I left Dallas almost 2 years ago seeking a change. A change of scenery (or any scenery at all really), change of career, and a new mix of people. Not to say my life in Dallas wasn't wonderful, but I had let it turn into an ordinary existence.

While in California, I had the opportunity to live far away from what felt comfortable. I met 3 people who made a huge impact on that experience. Jessica, Nathan, and Russell. In their own ways, they helped me grow while letting me into their lives.

My time in Kentucky has been even more touching. Not just because I've been here longer, but also because of the people who have come into my life during that year. I've helped people along with their careers, and have had people help me along with mine. I've met the gay men who complete me. (oh us!) I've met Ashley who can find humor in a single tear, "other people's misery," and rushing out to Graeter's before our show starts. I've met Chester who despite his flaws, has an enormous heart. Friendlsylvania, Fay Fay, Marikka's, and all the inside jokes.

And yet with all that went on here, I had people re-enter my life from back home. God bless myspace! I've reconnected with old high school friends. Near and dear to my heart, I've reconnected with my guy friends from college. After nearly a 4 year hiatus, we're back to our old shenanigans and some new ones too.

Now that I'm packing up my life here, I'm thinking about what it will be like to move back. I'm moving in with my parents until after the holidays to save and find a home that suits me. I thought moving back to Allen would bring back so many memories, but I don't even recognize it. My parents' church is turning into the next 6 Flags over Jesus, new stores on every corner,...even traffic getting out of our neighborhood is a sign of the growth.

What I'm most looking forward to, is being close to my parents, Pepper, Daryl, Jay, Robyn and the girls, Gared, Crazy Stephanie, and the Fossil kids.

I really can't predict what life is going to be like moving back. I think it will be different than 2 years ago. I'm going to work hard for a more meaningful life, not let anyone/anything define me, and continue to understand who MB is supposed to be.

So here's to new beginnings!