I almost died

So my tires have been making funny noises when I turn for a few months now. But they looked fine and I'm either too busy or broke to have them checked.

This weekend I was driving from Cincinnati to Lexington, VA in the pouring rain. I was listening to my favorite Maroon 5 song (sex in the coffee song) when I started to hydroplane out of control.

I spun 180 degrees off the road, across the grassy median, and finally stopped about a foot away from an oncoming semi. By the grace of God, I didn't roll, I didn't spin into traffic, and there weren't any cars in the direction I was driving. It was still raining pretty heavy so my car almost got stuck in the muddy/grassy median, but I was able to creep out to the nearest gas station to check for damage.

Needless to say, I'm getting new tires before I leave VA and will not be driving in rain ever again.

(I took a pic of my tire marks with my camera phone. I'll upload soon.)

Back in Texas and already talkin' funny

My dad and I arrived yesterday and the moment I stepped (fell) out of the U-haul, I took a deep breath of hot, fresh, Southern air. It's never been sweeter. We stopped for a BBQ lunch--I'm not a huge fan, but it seemed like the right thing to do. At lunch I heard genuine country gibberish that you only hear from the guy from King of the Hill. (Boomhower or something?).

Along the way, my dad and I had a good time. The cigarette lighters went out so we coldn't power his IPod speakers after only 6 hours of driving. Radio stations from CA to TX as few and far between and mostly Tejano. Since I only speak restaurant kitchen Spanish, that was no good. But we had lots to talk about and here and there we'd get a wireless signal, so we'd IM my mom and sister. I drove almost the entire trip.

So today my mom and I are having a girls day, tonight I have happy hour with my friends, tomorrow I get ready to head out bright and early Fri. I should get into KY by Sat night.

Cross your fingers the truck makes it....

Translation of my brother in law's job in Iraq

My brother in law is quite possibly the funniest human being on the planet. Ph.D in History, MA. History, etc. He's a genius and the youngest professor at Virginia Military Institute. He's now serving in Iraq, and gave us some insight as to what he's been doing.

SGT Wineman, BA

Duties, Responsibilities, Accomplishments



Maintenance Management (MIMMS) - 0411



-Maintain maintenance records for all B and D TAMs

-daily reconciliation with MT chief on all parts bins and EROs

-weekly reconciliation with RCT MMO on MARES items and LM-2

-work w/ section heads on maintaining PEB on lot

-maintain past maintenance documentation for all serialized gear

-conduct PME for mechanic/operators on maintenance documentation

-track all WIR gear from 2nd echelon to disposition to replacement





Translation

-Get the parts of everything thats broke

-Get gear that we cant fix to people who can

-Let the CO know what the hell is going on with the vehicles

-Keep regiment off our asses about crap that doesnt work

-Keep Forbes from jumping off a building

-write all the order forms for all the mechs who have forgotten how to do it (in truth, I usually do it for them since they are genuinely busy and its one less thing for them to worry about but its technically their responsibility)

-Track all the bad gear we throw away

-Make sure everything goddamn works vehicles, HE gear, NVGs, weapons, mine detectors, radios, tool kits, demo kits, computers, etc

-stock up on extra crap for PMs and minor repair work

-make brand new record jackets for all the gear since 2nd CEB screwed by not leaving any goddamn paperwork/documentation

-*had to learn all of this shit over here OJT, this aint my MOS; had to learn it from the idiot 2nd CEB guy who had to learn it over here in theatre, too;





Supply Admin 3043



-keypunch all supply/MMO transactions on both MIMMS and SASSY (supply) 4/A, 4/C, and Z01 to order all supplies/parts requested by company

-track all orders on DASF (Due-In and Status File)

-reconcile DASF with DPR daily

-receipt for all inbound items in MIMMS and SASSY 8/1, D6T

-maintain paperwork for all WIRs

-coordinate transfer of gear between various CMRs in RCT-2

-review DTL (Daily Transaction Listing) for edit errors/unmatched NSNs







Translation

-order all the shit

-keep track of the shit on order

-if shit disappears in the process, find out where shit went

-pick shit up when it comes in

-receipt for the shit

-get shit to who needs it on lot/in shops

-get shit to the other platoons and to the FOBs





Supply Warehousing 3051

-issue and maintain records for all gear before deployment

-keep visibility/storage of all C/K Tams on CMR

-upkeep of non-CMR inventory in make-shift warehouse on lot

-upkeep of all Class I items for daily work/mission (chow/water)

-replacing all combat loss items of 782 gear of line platoons

-providing necessary gear to company gunny for missions

-serving with Gunny as ad-hoc Armorer

-transport gear to CLB-2 for convoys

-move all parts/gear from supply/TMO to lot for inventory





Translation

-issue all the shit out

-replace shit that Marines lose/break/eat

-chow-fetcher

-store and keep count of all the shit

-fill in blank when Gunny bellows, Sgt Wineman, I need.

-keep Marines from going naked, hungry and bullet-less





Watch NCO

-maintain daytime/watch in the COC

-conduct paperwork for embarkation of gear/personnel to FOBs in AO

-coordinate w/ HE/UT sections for Engineering requests

-represent CEB at COC briefings during duty

-assist Mail NCO with mail pick-up distribution to FOBs

-communicate messages from SWO or other COC personnel to CEB staff





Translation

-Watch NCO part phone-watch/part crisis management

-serve as a body in the COC to get shit done

-do the mainside runs

-unfuck Whitings mistakes w/ morning reports/LTOs/Wolf mail



Training NCO

-mostly done at Camp Lejeune during work-up

-maintaining all training rosters

-conduct last minute PFTs before deployment

-coordinating with line platoons on training progress

-working with platoon sgt on admin, supply, medical issues

-work with company gunny on logistics of all training activities

-keep records/attendance rosters of all training classes





Translation

-keep track of all the crazy rosters of various color and composition for the CO/S-3

-rosters, rosters, rosters

-occasional wire diagram

-more rosters





Collateral Duties

-Assistant SACO

-Guidon bearer

-Platoon Guide?

-occasional Arabic translator

-driver/gunner

-student in CEB MT/HE School of Diesel Engine for Dummies course

-Platoon satirist

-Company Know-It-All

From beaches to mullets in 2 months

So in May I made the big move from Texas to Cali to train for a totally different job. 2 months later I got word that I was ready for promotion, they just didn't know where. Several options were offered, but they just didn't seem right.

Well...now I know where. Kids I'm off to Kentucky! We're opening a new Fossil apparel store out there and I'm the lucky gal who gets to open it. YAY!

Kentucky is a beautiful state--lots of trees, horses, fresh air, small towns, down to earth people, affordable rent, little crime, and no LA traffic. My kinda place! check it out http://www.visitlex.com

My tentative last day in LA will be Sept 20. Then it's off to TX to see fam/friends, then on to my new home...until next promotion. ;)

I'll keep ya posted,

MB

25 going on 13

I went to the Rite Aid down the street from me just to get mascara and deoderant. In wandering around (easily distracted) I found the section with Wet N' Wild products. Anyone remember these?

It took me back to all the slumber parties I had as a kid where we'd break into mom's make up, or if one of us got lucky enough to get mom's old stuff, we'd fill our Caboodles full and go to town. Not sure why, but make overs were so much fun! Gobs of lipstick, layers of eyeshadow, and hot pink blush--we'd look like girls from Moulin Rouge. It probably explains why I'm strictly a chapstick and mascara kind of gal now.

I couldn't help it...I bought glitter nail polish, eyeliner, and sparkle lip gloss. Let the slumber party begin.

Bomb Threat--What do you do?

Clearly the answer for most shoppers on the Promenade is to gawk at the store and take pictures with the cops.

Today one of the stores on the Promenade found a large suspicious package. Cops were called, bomb squad was brought in, helicopters flying everywhere....we (4 doors down) were told last. Nice. As soon as we heard, we packed up our stuff and got the heck out of the store and Santa Monica.

As we were leaving, we saw stupid people everywhere!! People were arguing with cops because they couldn't shop in the section blocked off with "CAUTION" tape, people were standing/sitting around watching the store as if they were waiting to see the bomb go off, and some were actually taking pictures with cops. It's not a Hollywood set!! When someone says "Bomb," you get your stuff and you go!

Sometimes this place scares me.

My day at the beach

So today I went to the beach for the first time since I've moved here. Shameful I know.

Sharon asked me if I needed sunblock, and even checked that I had at least put some on my face. I shrugged it off saying, "Oh yea, it's in my moisturizer."

We spent an hour or so enjoying the sound of the waves, I took a nap, she read. All very nice. On the way home I looked in the mirror and noticed my nose was a little pink. Checked again when we got home. Nose and forehead were pink, shoulders felt hot.

After a shower, checked again. Um, yea, I'm a friggin lobster. Oh, and I don't have bathing suit lines. I have lines from wearing my wife beater at lunch pre sun bathing. Nice.

I love being white trash.

I love being white trash

So I swear my landlady must think I'm a poor country bumpkin from Texas who would leave my trailer parked in the street if I could find a spot. Without fail every time she comes to check out the place, I'm in boxers and a t-shirt, no make up, hair a mess. She's an older lady too--not the cool grandma who bakes you cookies and pot pie. She's the LA grandma who gets Botox, tans, and tells you to stand up straight and why are you wearing your hair like that? The first time I met her she forgave me for not wearing shoes to the door. How sweet.

Today she came by and of course headed straight for our apt, not the other 6 in the building. So after an inspiring weekend, I've been painting since I got home from church this morning. I greet her in a wife beater, old football shorts, hair in a messy ponytail, paint all over me.

All that was missing was a toothless grin and a beer in hand. Luckily I had country music playing(Pat Green to be exact).

I wonder when I'll get that eviction notice....

My favorite things

So on my way home from HB, I stopped off at Concordia University in Irvine. There's a great place with a beautiful view to have your own thoughts in silence. I started thinking about the things I love about life. Here are a few--

thunderstorms

the smell of fresh cut grass

gerber daisies

long hot showers

someone playing with my hair

cleaning my apartment

finishing a book

teaching myself something new

sleeping in and not feeling guilty

Saturdays

lab puppies with their floppy ears and big paws

hugs from my dad

laughing until I cry

two stepping

talking to friends back home

drinking Shiner Bock with my sis

flying a kite

getting more paint on me than on the canvas

listening to jazz and drinking wine in the candlelight

making someone smile

cooking for friends/family

the sound of the ocean

the smell of evergreens

taking a new way home



What are your favorite things?

Keeping America working

Since I moved here (about a month ago) the parking garage at work has been under construction. I haven't noticed any real changes to the structure, parking spots available, or aesthetics. About 2 weeks ago, I did start to notice that everyday when I get to work about 7 guys are drilling a line of perfectly spaced holes into the wall. Then when I leave, I've noticed about 7 guys following behind them filling the holes.

I certainly didn't major in environmental design or architecture, but I can't figure out what the purpose is for drilling the flippin holes. Does a structure like that need to aerate? Is it to let the God awful stench of the alley seep into more spaces? It's not at the base so it doesn't seem like it's helping with cracked foundation...

I'm convinced that it's sole purpose it to keep people in jobs. How do you apply for that?

"Needed: Guy to drill holes. Pay extra if can fill too."

God Bless America

I accept this as a token of membership...

Today I have been accepted to the club known as City of LA Parking Violators Anonymous. Apparently it's not an exclusive club; in fact most of LA is in it and I'll likely be re-"invited" many times in the near future. Hopefully each time will be as special.

I'd like to thank Officer McPherson for guarding my car with such vigilance to write me a $65 ticket for 3 min over my meter. I'd also like to thank the lovely ladies at the Parking Violators Bureau. Their absolute distaste for their job and people in general makes paying the fees even more sweet.

God Bless this city and its lack of parking, and over abundance of parking nazis.

Embarrassing Friends

So like most people, I'm using myspace to connect with old friends back home and make new friends here.

You can control who you add with new friends. If they have a ridiculous or offensive pic, you can point, laugh, and deny their request. But old friends you feel obligated to add. But shouldn't you be able to edit old friends' pictures before you add them and proclaim them as a friend?

I mean honestly. If I'm not going to tell someone they really shouldn't try out their sexiest pose by the pool....complete with pale skin and a beer gut....who is? If I'm obligated to add them, aren't I also obligated to tell them they're a jackass? I'd hope someone would tell me...it's only fair.

"Seriously"

I'm an avid Grey's watcher. Lately, I've wanted to throttle Izzy and Meredith for being too whiney and sobby. The "I believe" speech from Izzy and Meredith drowning was my breaking point.

It was then I also noticed "seriously" had crept into my daily conversations. But it wasn't until our Houston trip that Stephanie and I decided to put a stop to the madness. Every other sentence had "seriously" included. Sometimes it was even a stand alone comment. Madness!!

We looked up various 12 step programs, but for some reason they focus more on addictions like alcohol, sex, and drugs. As if my problem isn't important enough? Whatever.

So I've created the "Seriously" jar. Every time I use "seriously" I must donate 10 cents. (We were going to do $1, but I figured I'd be broke the first week)



So this is a plea to all my friends and family. Help me put an end to the "seriously" addiction. If you catch me saying it, I must put 1 cents in the jar.

Hopefully this will put an end to this all. Thank you for your support.

Mean people do suck

Yesterday I was driving on the 405 (mistake #1) and as I was cut off by someone in a beater car with that bumper sticker "Mean People Suck" peeling from it's wrecked bumper, and it got me thinking....Mean people do suck.

Since I moved to LA on Mon, I've been honked at while at a red light, yelled at for parking where I apparently wasn't supposed to, and even the people at Target were rude when I asked where to find peanut butter. (PS. did you know that it is nearly impossible to find normal, non-soy, non-organic peanut butter here? What's a girl gotta do to get some Jif around here?)

So maybe this is just a rough first week for me and LA. Hopefully we can be friends soon.