As I'm taking this slow but inevitable journey into being a girl (vs. one of the guys), I found another thing that I had been previously resisting....
Affinity to girlie movies.
Oh sure, I love Monty Python, Mel Brooks, Wedding Crashers, Old School, Tommy Boy, etc. But I saw a movie tonight that drew a clear line.
The Departed. GMA called it Oscar buzzworthy. Violent but not gory.
LIES!!!
Ashley and I left whimpering something about needing a Disney movie marathon to start the recovering process.
So from now on, it's chick flicks, butterflies, teddy bears, and puppies.*
*Scary movies are still ok as long as they are psychological thrillers vs. Chainsaw Massacre-ish.
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Friday, October 6, 2006
Pet Diaries
This is why I want a dog. -MB
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Dog's Diary
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom ! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this
on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with
them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait.
It's only a matter of time
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Dog's Diary
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom ! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this
on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with
them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait.
It's only a matter of time
Monday, October 2, 2006
Fay Fay Crew
So, I have to take a moment to brag about the people I work with. Our store will be open a year on Nov. 11. We've been challenged with aggressive sales plans, goals, and stiff competition with other stores. Through it all, we've fought like crazy to stay in the game.
I'm proud to say that it's definitely paying off!
Last week we found out that of all the 30 apparel stores, we had the best secret shopper results. Perfect score! Granted, we had a vague window as to when we could be shopped. But my team stepped it up and continued to do what they're so good at regardless of the window.
To top that, every week our stores are evaluated based on specific sales goal. Did we make plan? Did we beat LY? (freebie for us since we don't have one) Did our average $ sale beat the chain? Items per customer? etc. We have the opportunity to make 6 stars (one for each category). I'm almost 27 yrs old and I've been pushing to get 6 little stars. Cool.
We finally got all the stars last week!! We beat our sales plan, and beat the chain in all our other stats. There was much screaming and squealing when we found out.
It's weird, but I feel like I've finally accomplished the goals I needed to when I set out to work in stores. I passed my first LP audit with a 96, I got 6 stars, perfect secret shopper results, beat plan, good performance review, and promoted several people. I feel like I'm leaving a legacy that I can be proud of.
And now I'm ready for my next challenge.
Bring it on.
I'm proud to say that it's definitely paying off!
Last week we found out that of all the 30 apparel stores, we had the best secret shopper results. Perfect score! Granted, we had a vague window as to when we could be shopped. But my team stepped it up and continued to do what they're so good at regardless of the window.
To top that, every week our stores are evaluated based on specific sales goal. Did we make plan? Did we beat LY? (freebie for us since we don't have one) Did our average $ sale beat the chain? Items per customer? etc. We have the opportunity to make 6 stars (one for each category). I'm almost 27 yrs old and I've been pushing to get 6 little stars. Cool.
We finally got all the stars last week!! We beat our sales plan, and beat the chain in all our other stats. There was much screaming and squealing when we found out.
It's weird, but I feel like I've finally accomplished the goals I needed to when I set out to work in stores. I passed my first LP audit with a 96, I got 6 stars, perfect secret shopper results, beat plan, good performance review, and promoted several people. I feel like I'm leaving a legacy that I can be proud of.
And now I'm ready for my next challenge.
Bring it on.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Chicago here I come!!
I leave for Chicago right after work tomorrow. I'm so excited!! We get to see our friend Adam, and I get to add a new state to my "been there" list. I plan to shop, drink, and eat the entire time. I'll sleep when I get back.
But tonight I had a volleyball game at 11. I just got home and am running around like a crazy person packing everything I own for a 3 day trip. Brilliant!
Have a great weekend!
But tonight I had a volleyball game at 11. I just got home and am running around like a crazy person packing everything I own for a 3 day trip. Brilliant!
Have a great weekend!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Joke for the ladies
Joke for the ladies
I've shared this with a few of you. I still makes me laugh to the point of crying. And just to clarify, this is not what happened to me. I'm not crazy enough to attempt this.
___________________________________________________________
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Came home, fixed dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my nether region and
stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip) I
inhale deeply and brace myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!! !! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY HEAVENS!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly
and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay conscious...Do
I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still
! propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my
foot
down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
Nether regions? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently
wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't ! melt cold wax. So, now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter
-
"So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or
who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor . Nothing feels better! then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,
dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
HEAVENS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
works !!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to
try hair color......
I've shared this with a few of you. I still makes me laugh to the point of crying. And just to clarify, this is not what happened to me. I'm not crazy enough to attempt this.
___________________________________________________________
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Came home, fixed dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my nether region and
stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip) I
inhale deeply and brace myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!! !! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY HEAVENS!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly
and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay conscious...Do
I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still
! propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my
foot
down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
Nether regions? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently
wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't ! melt cold wax. So, now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter
-
"So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or
who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor . Nothing feels better! then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working,
dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
HEAVENS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
works !!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to
try hair color......
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Southern Charm
Born and raised in the South, I understand it has a certain charm that others may not understand. For example....
This morning's traffic report for Lexington, KY included a traffic jam that was caused by "vehicle vs. cow." Yes, that's right, it made the morning news. Apparently a cow wandered into the street without a turn signal and caused news worthy traffic. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen in the north.
(all jokes aside I hope the cow is ok)
This morning's traffic report for Lexington, KY included a traffic jam that was caused by "vehicle vs. cow." Yes, that's right, it made the morning news. Apparently a cow wandered into the street without a turn signal and caused news worthy traffic. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen in the north.
(all jokes aside I hope the cow is ok)
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
Ode to stupid people
In college, my friends and I used to send each other stupid people citings. It's been a while, but I have one to share.
Today was the 4th of July. Historically, most cities large and small set off fireworks to celebrate. Often these can be noisy, as they are a colorful explosion. For the past week, people in my apartment complex have been setting them off periodically through the night.
Tonight after the big fireworks display downtown, we all drove back to my apartment. Neighbors were setting them off large and small, but mostly noisy. Carrie bought a set of 4 small sparkly candle type things. We set off one, and then congratulated ourselves for not singeing our eyebrows. 2 minutes later, a pink furry blob of a pissed off woman came storming out of the building across the way. Standing in her pink robe, she demanded to know if we were setting fireworks off right here. She huffed and puffed, and in the bitchiest way possible told us we were setting them off right outside her window and to keep it down cause she had to work at 5am. We apologized as we were not trying to be rude.
However......
First, I'd like to point out that she also had a small lackey. He was a bit taller, but much thinner than her.....and hid behind her the entire time. For his sake, I really hope he was just a neighbor helping out. Poor kid.
Secondly, as she's bitching us out for our sparkly (noiseless) candle, fireworks the volume of cannons were going off in the background. It was really hard to not laugh.
So here's a tribute to those who have to work at 5am in the morning, those who have to sleep next to a pink furry blob, and for those who weren't able to celebrate the 4th with fireworks and friends.
We had good times! Happy 4th!
Today was the 4th of July. Historically, most cities large and small set off fireworks to celebrate. Often these can be noisy, as they are a colorful explosion. For the past week, people in my apartment complex have been setting them off periodically through the night.
Tonight after the big fireworks display downtown, we all drove back to my apartment. Neighbors were setting them off large and small, but mostly noisy. Carrie bought a set of 4 small sparkly candle type things. We set off one, and then congratulated ourselves for not singeing our eyebrows. 2 minutes later, a pink furry blob of a pissed off woman came storming out of the building across the way. Standing in her pink robe, she demanded to know if we were setting fireworks off right here. She huffed and puffed, and in the bitchiest way possible told us we were setting them off right outside her window and to keep it down cause she had to work at 5am. We apologized as we were not trying to be rude.
However......
First, I'd like to point out that she also had a small lackey. He was a bit taller, but much thinner than her.....and hid behind her the entire time. For his sake, I really hope he was just a neighbor helping out. Poor kid.
Secondly, as she's bitching us out for our sparkly (noiseless) candle, fireworks the volume of cannons were going off in the background. It was really hard to not laugh.
So here's a tribute to those who have to work at 5am in the morning, those who have to sleep next to a pink furry blob, and for those who weren't able to celebrate the 4th with fireworks and friends.
We had good times! Happy 4th!
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