Pet Diaries

This is why I want a dog. -MB

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A Dog's Diary

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom ! My favorite!

7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!


A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this
on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with
them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait.

It's only a matter of time